Geoff Coupe's Blog

Reflections on life at “De Witte Wand”…

How We Die

That’s the title of a wonderful book by Sherwin Nuland. I came across Nuland a little while ago when a talk by him was posted on the TED blog. As I said at the time, the talk is well worth watching and listening to. It brought tears to my eyes.
 
As a result, I sought out a book by him: How We Die.
 
I’m still reading it, but I am here to tell you that Nuland writes from a heart that is full of compassion, yet is realistic enough not to paint life in false colours. It is an amazing book. I have the feeling that he tells the truth, no matter how unpalatable that is. Yet he tells it in language that shows humanity, even at the direst end.
 
There are chapters in the book that spell out just what will happen when you have cancer, or AIDS or Alzheimers. He takes you to the brink of the pit and turns your face to gaze into its depths, but the strange thing is that having shown you the horrors, the reader (or at least, this one) comes away strengthened and ready to face what life (or rather, death) might bring.
 
I am reminded of this book because I was watching the John Grierson Awards on BBC Four, and Paul Watson won the Grierson Trust Award, in part for his documentary: Malcolm and Barbara: Love’s Farewell. I have not seen the whole documentary, only parts, but what I have seen only underlines that I would prefer to see the heartbreaking truth of things, rather than obfuscation and false colours. Truth matters, however uncomfortable it may be. In googling for the documentary, I came across this hit on the Orthfully Catholic blog that seems to me to miss the whole point so completely that it almost beggars belief. It’s a complete travesty of what Barbara Pointon was experiencing. That’s why I get so angry with religion, and the people who espouse such views.

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3 responses to “How We Die”

  1. Gelert Avatar
    Gelert

    I have to say I’m a bit scared of death Geoff but am going to have a look at this book. The film you mentioned I intended to watch and missed it. I saw only part of it and was impressed with how they handled it. My grandmother had dementia. The only thing I want to add is – the catholic article about it – no need to get angry with religion or the people who espouse such views. That article was the response of one person – not one I agreed with, nor I think, even if they were against the idea of euthenasia, would most of the christians I know agree with what the article said about that very affecting film. Sorry to keep niggling about this point. I can shut up about it if you like. 😉

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  2. Geoff Avatar
    Geoff

    Gelert, no, don’t shut up! I hope that you do get hold of a copy of Nuland’s book. It’s out of print, but you can pick up secondhand copies via Amazon Marketplace. Mine is inscribed with the name of the previous owner – Thomas Kluge, Omaha 1994. It’s possible that he is dead. Once I’ve finished the book, I’ll add my name and, hopefully, when I’m dead the book will find its way to the next reader…

    Reply
  3. KathyNC Avatar
    KathyNC

    My name is Kathy, and I am the primary caregiver for my 79 year old Dad who has Alzheimer’s disease and lives with me in North Carolina.
     
    I am writing a daily blog on my Alzheimer’s caregiver website that shows the lighter side of caring for someone with dementia.
    Please pass this link along to anyone you feel would enjoy it.
     
    http://www.KnowItAlz.com
     
    Thanks,Kathy

    Reply

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