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Country Living
Well, it’s now a week since we took possession of the farmhouse. We arrived last Friday afternoon at 13:45 for an inspection of the property before trooping off to the notary for the signing of the contract. The previous owners were at the house, together with representatives of their estate agents and ours. Neither of the reps had seen the house before – the people who had been involved in the sale had now moved on. The new reps were duly impressed with the farmhouse. One pointed out that in the attic, where you can clearly see the roof construction, that the original roof timbers have been left as an internal skeleton when the roof was enlarged some 35 years ago.Then it was off to the notary, where the notary – who was in his twenties (I really feel old) – went through the formal proceedings. Everybody signed. Why is it that notaries have such flamboyant flourishes that they pass off as their signature whereas I have a miserable spider crawl? The previous owners presented us with a basket of local produce from a neighbouring farm and then sped off to their new home in Friesland.We returned to our new home to find that the entrance had been decorated with streamers and balloons in our absence by a welcoming committee of friends. One of them had also painted a welcome sign, and on the back of the sign hung a series of eight nesting boxes for various species of bird. That evening we were seven for dinner (provided by the mother of our painter friend) – and quantities of champagne and wine were consumed.The following morning we were expecting a visit from the plasterer and the carpenter so that we could discuss our redecoration plans. At 11am, they arrived, but so did their families, a dog, a large cake, coffee and beer. It was yet another excuse for a celebration, and Martin was kept busy with guided tours of the house and grounds – everyone was curious to see what we’d bought. Finally, we were presented with workmans’ clothes – a pair of workman’s jeans for Martin and a pair of overalls for me – together with Dutch farmer’s caps and scarves (mine were both in a fetching shade of pink). Toasts to our arrival were drunk in “Achterhoekse Champagne” (beer), and a good time was had by all.Sunday, we visited some of the neighbours to say hello and to present them with Stroopwaffels (a sort of biscuit that is a speciality of Gouda). That involved a 2km walk passing four farmhouses in the vicinity. All the neighbours seem most pleasant and welcoming to the strange birds that have descended upon them.This past week we’ve had a series of appointments with workmen to discuss what needs to be done. If we do this sort of thing in Gouda, it’s pure business. Here, we discover that they will expect to sit and chat with you about life in general. We’ve just had the attic space in the main house and the roof space of the outbuilding sprayed against woodworm and deathwatch beetle. It was a little worrying to see some of the ravaged timbers in the attic – in the course of nearly 200 years, deathwatch beetle has chewed away some sizable chunks. But then again, as the workman pointed out, the building is still standing, and there’s no evidence of recent activity.Today, we’ve had the plasterer working on the living room – bare brick walls in the living room may have been the fashion in the 1970s, but it’s not to our taste. We will leave some of the original beams exposed as a testament to the history of the house, but walls will be plastered, thank you very much.Next week we have the painters in and the main floor will be polished. We still have to get some wooden floors installed in some rooms, and I doubt whether we can do that before the removal men bring all our stuff from Gouda, so I expect that we will be living out of boxes for some time to come.This is a real change of pace of life for us both. It is amazing to wake up at night and listen to the stillness. Equally amazing is that I’m writing this while gazing out at the front garden with a neighbouring farm off in the distance. To my left I can see the local woods – a 10 minute walk. A pheasant has just run across the lawn, and I see that a pair of hedge sparrows have started nesting in the nesting box in the tree 10 metres away in front of the window. I must find suitable places for the rest of those boxes.2 responses to “Country Living”
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Sounds bliss! I live in farmland on the outskirts of Brussels and occasionally get pheasants and owls in the garden. A bit too close to the E40 for perfect stillness, but I love the sun in my small garden. Sadly I must leave it soon. Need a houseboy? I cook and garden….(!)
Anyhow, welcome home, Geoff. -
Hi, Coboró – thanks for your thought. We’re not in the market for a houseboy just yet – but that point may well come in 10 or 20 years! It will probably take a little while before we think of the farmhouse as ‘home’ – but I’m confident that we’ll reach that point before too long. Cheers.
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Jumped-up Walkmans
Lucy Mangan, in today’s Guardian, has a most satisfying rant against iPods and their witless owners. She sums up my feelings precisely.Leave a comment
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The Dutch Citizenship Test
Last January, I mentioned the test that would-be immigrants to the Netherlands would have to take. It went live last week. There’s an article on the Radio Netherlands web site describing the procedure. I certainly don’t share the journalist’s touching belief that the voice-recognition system used in the test (there are no human examiners involved) is "foolproof". Pull the other one – it’s got bells on it. It turns out that entrants will need to buy the exam materials, which contain all 100 questions and their authorised answers. Then in the exam, 30 questions, selected from the 100, will be given. My hunch is that the entrant will have to parrot back exactly the words and intonation used in the authorised answer to have any hope of passing the voice-recognition system. So the Dutch want parrots, not citizens…The procedure is described on the Ministry for Justice web site. While I see that EU citizens are exempt from having to take the test, I did notice in the fine print on this page the statement: "As newcomers these people will, however, usually be required to follow the integration programme once in the Netherlands"."Required", eh? That doesn’t sound like an exemption to me.2 responses to “The Dutch Citizenship Test”
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Heck, and what happens if you fail? Over here now, all you have to know is what a doner kebab is, and how much a helping of chips costs.
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Um, I don’t know what happens to someone who’s already here… If I were outside the EU and failed the test, I’d merely be eligible to pay another 350 euros for the privilege of taking the test again…
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The Sub-Editor’s Art
Forget the actual article, just savour the brilliant headline that has been provided by an anonymous sub-editor to this review in today’s Observer.3 responses to “The Sub-Editor’s Art”
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Not sure that I believe the name of the journalist – or maybe thta’s what sparked the sub-editor’s imagination?
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While it could possibly be a nom-de-plume, our Kitty is a genuine reviewer on the staff of the Observer. But there’s clearly a sub-editor on the paper who loves excruciating puns – here’s another example from the same issue.
The Guardian has a long history of punning sub-editors. I still remember, with pleasure, the effort of a sub-editor called John Hall who titled a scathing review of the 1963 film Cleopatra with "The Biggest Asp Disaster in the World". It may not resonate with young people nowadays, but to me, brought up on a diet of Gracie Fields in her later years, it certainly did (clue: look at the list of her song titles). -
Yes the one I remember is ‘many pythons fly in suitcase’ probably back in the early 70’s
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Art and Reality
I decided to pull together two things that I came across on the Internet in order to illustrate the polar opposites of what we are capable of.First, the horror.Dr. Crippen, in his NHS Blog Doctor, documents the day from hell in his surgery. Warning, this is not for those with a nervous disposition, or for those who do not wish to be disavowed of their quaint belief that all is well in Britain’s National Health Service as presided over by Patricia Hewitt. If there is any justice in the world, one can only hope that Patricia will get a taste of her own medicine.Second, the beauty.In order to calm down, I spent a while exploring the photographs and art of Gregory Colbert in the online interactive site Ashes and Snow. While some of it verges on the chocolate box, there are some amazing images here.2 responses to “Art and Reality”
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Hi Geoff. There’s so much wrong with the National Health Service, in so many areas. Not least too many demands, not enough cash to go round, and too much paperwork and not enough common sense…. oh, so much. It broke my parents hearts to see what had become of it. (both worked in it)
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Gelert, there are also good examples around in the NHS. I’m just back from seeing my terminally-ill sister-in-law for what will be the last time. The care that she, and by extension, my brother, has received from the NHS has been nothing short of exemplary. So it can happen.
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A Book Review
This review of this book has instantly made me put it on my "books I must read" list. Clearly, anything that shows what a weird and wonderful world we live in courtesy of millions of years of evolution will get my vote. There ain’t nothing intelligent about these designs. Rube Goldberg and W. Heath Robinson would be proud.One response to “A Book Review”
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There was I thinking I was about to find some smarmy tome of scientific esoterica that Stephen might be Hawking and then I click on the link and snort into my scotch! Thanks for the giggle, mate!
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Service Slowdown
My blogging is likely to be somewhat sporadic for the next month or so. We’re entering the final phases of the house move, and I’m somewhat preoccupied with that. Once the move occurs, I shall also be returned to the dark ages of a dial-up connection for a couple of weeks until broadband is installed in the new house. Normal service should resume mid-April, with a bit of luck.Leave a comment
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Two to Watch
On the strength of this review (particularly of the first film), The Child and The Road to Guantánamo are going on my list of films to see.Leave a comment
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Drinking From the (Image) Firehose
I use Flickr as the online repository for my photographs. It’s a community web site, with a lot of traffic. Trying to get a sense of what’s going on with the hundreds of images that are posted each day is difficult, but here’s a site that attempts to give you a visual impression of what’s happening.2 responses to “Drinking From the (Image) Firehose”
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Firehouse? :-)I hope the move goes well!
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Gaaah! I’m definitely losing it… 🙂
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In Praise of the TARDIS
I see that today’s featured article in Wikipedia is on the TARDIS – the vehicle-cum-home of Doctor Who. Great stuff.Leave a comment
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The Moslem Madonna
A full-page article in the Volkskrant today about Deeyah, who has been called the Moslem Madonna. She has been threatened with death by fundamentalists because of her appearance and performances. Accompanying the article is a link to her latest video What Will Be. It it, she has taken a leaf out of Theo van Gogh’s book – images of women and others gagged with tape are projected onto her bare flesh. The face of van Gogh also makes a brief appearance.Leave a comment
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Homes for the Elderly
One of the joyful little tasks I will have in my list of things to do in twenty years time will be preparing to select a suitable care home where I can end my days, surrounded by handsome male nurses who will do anything for me.Of course, this ideal care home will probably be difficult to find (if it exists at all). While I’m sure that there are some excellent care homes, there are also places like this, probably better named the Why the Fuck Should We Care Home. I only hope that I have the nous and the wherewithal to spot the ones like this and avoid at all costs.(hat tip to Tom Reynolds for the link)2 responses to “Homes for the Elderly”
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It’s horrible isn’t it. My mother visits old ladies in these places and she’s terrified of ending up in one. It’s a scandal no one cares sufficiently about to act on. They also make you sell the home you worked all your life for, in order to fund your own ill-treatment! And there’s not a male nurse in sight either!
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Yes, it is depressing. The way in which we treat the less advantaged is one of the measures of our society. As Ghandi is reported to have replied, when asked by a reporter what he thought of Western Civilization: "I think it would be a good idea".
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The Site of Reversible Destiny
One day I would like to be able to revisit Japan. One place that I think would be on the itinerary is the Site of Reversible Destiny. A bizarre little architectural park. A sort of modernist Portmerion, where features are given prissy and portentous titles: The Gate of Non-Dying, Exactitude Ridge, the Zone of the Clearest Confusion, etc.(hat tip to Pruned for the link)2 responses to “The Site of Reversible Destiny”
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I have a permanent link to private eye on my blog – it updates itself! which saves me the bother.
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Ooh, that sounds like a good idea! Thanks for the tip!
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The Harmonium is Stilled
Sad to read that Scottish eccentric Ivor Cutler is no longer with us.2 responses to “The Harmonium is Stilled”
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Ohhh, really? When did that happen??? Ivor Cutler is a genius!!! The world has lost someone quite, what’s the word??? unique, that will do!
hums bicarbonate of chicken tonight* -
He died on March 3rd. According to the Wikipedia entry, he suffered a stroke the week before.
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Another Reason Not To Ski
I’ve never learnt to ski. I don’t really see the point of doing something that I can only do once a year for a few days at enormous expense and at some risk to life and limb. It’s probably cheaper – and certainly a good deal safer – to shred a bundle of euros and flush them down the loo.It also means that I don’t have to be confronted with a sign like this on the way to the slopes and spend time wondering, with a horrified fascination, what, precisely, it’s trying to tell me.Leave a comment
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Duck – It’s Eurovision!
It’s that time of the year again – the Eurovision Song Contest. I’ve just watched the British entries for this year’s contest. Two things struck me.First – I hope that Teenage Life wins. This song is so wrong on so many levels that it deserves to win. From the gyrating overage schoolgirls to the substandard rap – I have to say that this is a marriage ripe for Eurovision heaven. My jaw dropped open and stayed there. It is a brilliant piece of Japanese-influenced Eurotrash. It deserves to win the British entries.Second – as a finale to the BBC programme, they had Helena Paparizou (last year’s Eurovision winner from Greece) reprising her song. And, frankly, she and her song knocked all this year’s British entries for six. A brilliant barn-storming song – reminiscent of Dana International’s Diva. Will the faux schoolgirls retrieve Britain’s pride? watch this space…Update: Yup, it’s Teenage Life. Gawd help the rest of Europe…Leave a comment
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The Benefit of the Doubt?
The latest twist in the Tessa Jowell/David Mills saga is that they have now agreed to a separation. Part of me wants to believe that they had the best of intentions throughout this whole sorry affair, but an ever more vociferous part of me is starting to ask the same questions as Curious Hamster and Nosemonkey.My father was a politician. He was an honest and honourable man. He hated politics, but thought it was his social duty to do what was right for his fellow human beings. Why is it that his like seem to be as rare as hen’s teeth in today’s world?Leave a comment
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Memories and Movies
That old word wizard JG Ballard has a fascinating article in today’s Guardian. In it, he muses over where his memory ends and where the interpretation of those memories by other people begins. He uses the events, both original and subsequent, that powered his novel Empire of the Sun. I’ve a soft spot for Ballard’s dystopic novels, where alien things ripple under a surface normality. Once the library gets upacked and installed in the new house, I must re-read Empire of the Sun again.Leave a comment
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“Absolute Madness, Naive and Irresponsible”
Those are the words ("volstrekt krankzinnig, naïef en onverantwoord") used by a member of the Dutch parliament to describe a recent decision of Rita Verdonk, the minister of Immigration and Integration. And what has the lovely Rita done now? Well, she’s decided to reverse the ban on deporting failed asylum-seekers who are gay or Christian back to Iran. This is likely to include Saba Rawi. The problem is that Rawi fled Iran over four years ago in fear for his life because he is gay. And now Rita wants him back in Iran, where the authorities now know full well that he is gay. There is real concern that if he is returned to Iran he will be executed. I honestly wonder how Rita Verdonk can live with her conscience – perhaps she simply doesn’t have one.Update, 6th March: This morning, the Volkskrant is reporting that Minister Verdonk has apparently had second thoughts about sending failed asylum-seekers who are gay back to Iran. She is now saying that they will receive permits to stay. Doubtless everyone will wait and see what happens in the case of Saba Rawi in the next few days. The Volkskrant also reports that the basis for Verdonk’s original proposal to send gays back was a report from the Foreign Affairs Ministry saying that according to the Human Rights Watch organisation, the two teenagers hanged in Iran last year were not executed because they were gay and that therefore gays are not at risk in Iran. That’s brought a stinging reaction from an HRW representative stating that gays are certainly in danger of their lives in Iran. It should be pointed out that while the HRW chose to interpret the execution of the two teenagers as being for rape, and not because they were gay, other observers claim differently. Nonetheless, the HRW recognises the dangerous situation for gays in Iran.The HRW itself reported on two more executions of gays in Iran in November 2005.Leave a comment

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